Jen Discontinues the Self-Censorship

I have stated before that I write this blog partly because it is shameless self-indulgence, and partly to keep my family and friends back home abreast of my goings on while I live abroad.  I have considered the fact that my grandparents, former teachers, former coworkers and bosses, younger, impressionable siblings, people I used to go to church with, my students and also anyone else with access to the internet could possibly read what I write here on my blog.  And because of this, I have censored my language out of respect for those facts.

Well, I have made the decision to censor no more.  I am who I am.  Sometimes I use cuss words to add hilarity to my stories and my life.  And sometimes I have to leave out funny parts of stories here in order to keep up this ruse that I am a classy lady through whose lips such trash would never pass.  Well, that's bullsh.  And I'm not going to do it anymore.  Anyone who has spent more than 5 minutes around me knows my affinity for 4-letter words.

So I apologize to anyone who finds such language offensive.  You have every right not to read my blog.  Plus there's like a 98% chance only my parents read it anyway, and they already know my heathenish ways.  I promise I won't overdo it with the curse words, but I'm through trying to find euphemisms that don't make me sound like Ned Flanders.

I already feel less repressed by this decision.  Damn, it feels good to be a gangster.

Jen Impersonates a Russian Solely to Entertain Herself

This weekend was really fun.  Friday night there was a new club opening up at Gwangali beach, which is an area I have only ever been to twice before because it’s been so cold for what seems like sooo long.  A new club opening out at the beach is a harbinger of good weather on the horizon, so I was really excited.  The club was called 'Womb', but I insisted on calling it 'Placenta' all night, and still do, because I think that 'Womb' is a stupid name, and that’s what it makes me think of every time somebody says the name of the club.  And I think 'Placenta' is really catching on.  You’re welcome, new club.

Saturday night was Wordz Only 3, which is a spoken-word event (involving mostly original poetry, although some people read original stories or something they enjoy from well-known writers) that Marcus co-hosts each month.  I still haven’t gotten up the courage to ‘perform’, but every time, I do give it serious thought. I just want to make sure I have the exact right piece, that’s all.  After that, a new jazz club called Monk was opening around the corner, and there were some great bands playing and local artwork for sale.  I am contemplating becoming a groupie for this band Lhasa because I dig them so much, and there was another band from Seoul whose drummer was convinced by Sarah to take off his shirt during their show.  So obviously Monk was a win.

Later in the evening, after hanging out with a group of around 20 people outside Family Mart for about half an hour, I found myself sitting at a booth at U2 Bar (a bar located at Haeundae beach… I am loving that it’s becoming time to start hanging around the beach more.  Twice in one weekend? That’s unheard of.) with my two Bulgarian friends Maria and Daniela and another friend, Jessica from Missouri.  While most of the people I know here are also English teachers, Maria and Daniella are members of the rock/cover band that plays at this amazing German bar and brewery we like to go to called Wurshimchung Brau.  Imagine Korean servers in lederhosen and pigtails with Bulgarians onstage rocking out to Whitesnake and other classics, including Korean pop songs.  I know what you’re thinking, and yes, it is every bit as awesome as it sounds.

Another thing, the way the Bulgarians look is… notable.  Discretion is not what they're going for.  Because they are in a rock band, their on-stage style (which are the clothes they continue wearing when they get off work and meet us out somewhere) is what I would call rocker-chic, and by that I mean pulling out all the stops.  Pretty much how I would imagine Whitesnake would look if they were actually women. And it was 1982 again. Their clothes and hairstyles are so funky and badass, and they are so unconventionally hot, that every time I hang around them I feel at once lame (in my cotton dress and cowboy boots) and super cool (because my proximity to them instantly makes me look cooler).  And I feel way more of the latter.

 Me, Jessica, Maria and Daniela

So anyway, the four of us are sitting in a round booth, and it’s getting later in the night, and I guy I don’t know sits down at our table.  Maria whispers to me “He always hits on us,” just to give me a heads up on this guy.  He’s definitely a westerner with no discernable accent.  And I don’t remember exactly how it went down, but he knew that Maria and Daniela were Bulgarian, and he “accused” Jess and me of not being Bulgarian, guessing that we were Canadians or Americans.  I say “accused” because it’s perfectly possible that he merely used context clues (such as the fact that we were dressed very dissimilarly and clearly did not have Eastern European accents) to discern that we weren’t Bulgarian and was just working the law of averages on guessing us to be North American.  Plus the fact that we ARE Americans, so it’s not as if he was really being offensively stereotypical.

I, however, pretended to take offense to his dismissal of us as merely American or Canadian, and this prompted me to claim that I was a Russian, just to teach him not to assume things.  This is the obvious next step to take when someone makes an assumption that is dead-on accurate about you.

How did I attempt to convince him of my Russian heritage?  Not by adopting a fake Russian accent – I know my strengths, and accents aren’t one of them.  I always end up sounding like Speedy Gonzales meets Apu from the Simpsons.  So, not Russian.  I decided to go with what is one of my strongest suits (and a personal favorite), a display of trivial knowledge.

So I start off by saying, “Um no, I’m not American” (in my regular voice, mind you, and with haughtiness in my tone), “I’m Russian.  Hello?  That’s why we are friends, because Eastern Europe is right across the Ural mountains from my homeland.” (I was pretty proud of that one.)

Then, “You know my favorite drink?  Vodka.  It's delicious and I could just drink gallons of it.  And you know where the coolest city in the world is?  Moscow, obviously.”  At this point I am (already somehow) losing steam.  Grasping at Russian straws, if you will.  “Um, I LOVE Vladimir Putin.  And snow…  Yeah, Siberia is awesome.  That’s like my favorite part of Crime and Punishment, when he gets sent to Siberia at the end.  And they have the prettiest tigers there.”

The dude obviously knew I wasn’t Russian, convincing him had never been on the docket, but by this point, my goal was just to list as many things about Russia as I could.  Which was turning out to be astonishingly little.  “Oh, and I love hockey.  You know Alexander Ovechkin (no idea if he’s actually Russian, just pulled that one right out of my ass – thanks BaD Radio)?  He’s like my favorite hockey player.  And you know what?  Canada can suck it for taking gold this year.  Oh, and you know that movie Miracle with Kurt Russell?  Hated it.  Piece of crap. Stupid Americans just got lucky that year.”

Now the goal was just to make my friends laugh at every ridiculous random Russia fact I could think of.  “Remember the Cold War?  All the US’s fault – I think they were jealous of the Mir Space Station.  And who could blame them?  But I’m still not really over it, in my heart.  Which is why I sort of hate the Bering Strait.  But Gorbachev with that silly birthmark… what a likable guy.  Also, Anna Karenina is one of my literary heroes (never read the book, wasn’t really taking into account Anna’s tragic demise when I said this).  And I really like borscht (no idea what borscht is other than a soup they eat in Russia).  Favorite Beatles song?  "Back in the USSR", duh.  Oh, and, umm... Communism rules!  And I want to name my kids Mikhail and Alexandr, without the E because I’m Russian, and that’s how we spell it.”

It was somewhere around this point, either because he couldn’t get a word in edgewise or because I was ignoring his attempts as I racked my brain for Soviet Union knowledge, that the dude got up and left.  As he walked away I called “Spasiba!”  It means “Thank you”, and I bet every woman between the ages of 20 and 40 knows how I knew that one word of Russian – from the Sex and the City episode where Carrie is dating Mikhail Baryshnikov.  It was a good thing the guy split too, because I was getting dangerously close to the scraping the bottom of the barrel.  The next thing out of my mouth was, “And we Russians can see Alaska from our backyards,” proving again that the person I most seek to entertain is myself. And also proving that I don’t know shit about Russia.

So I have to brush up on my Russia knowledge for when I eventually go on Jeopardy! Because unless I get the chance to say "'Cliché Facts about the Former Soviet Union' for $800, Alex", I’m probably screwed. 

Jen is Feeling Good

As I have previously mentioned, my blog "Jen Teaches English" is rarely actually about me teaching English, but today is an exception.  This being the first week of spring (regardless of whether or not the weather behaves as so), I decided to teach my students the song "Feeling Good" by Nina Simone.  First, I go over the concept of rhyming, writing the words on the board from each verse that rhyme, and then I give them the lyrics to the song with blanks for the rhyming words.  The object is for them to listen to the song and fill in the blanks with the correct words as they hear them. (Last semester we did this with the theme song from Fresh Prince of Bel Air, and it was a hit).

I really love this song, but seeing as how it's a pretty old tune, the kids are harder to convince.  Luckily, one of my favorite bands Muse also does a cover of this song, and Muse was in Seoul for their world tour during February, so I can play the rock version of the song to (at least try to) appease my little rascals.  But I use Nina's version first because it is easier for them to hear the words as she sings.

Almost every class points out how her voice sounds like my voice (which they always tease me about).  Well, maybe my voice wouldn't sound this way if I wasn't always yelling over you kids, ever think about that?

Here are the two versions of the song "Feeling Good" for your (and my) listening pleasure.  Both are fantastic.

Nina Simone:


Muse:

Muse - Feeling Good
Uploaded by amandine025. - Explore more music videos.

My favorite television show of all time, Six Feet Under, also used this song for its Season 4 promo.  Brings back the good memories.

Jen Witnesses History. Again.

Yes, we can.  And we did.  This is the change we believed in.

I am so proud, even though I'm not on even American soil right now.  I don't know who I love more, Nancy or Barack, but it's not a contest.

No, it isn't perfect, but as we all know, compromise takes time.  This is a huge step in the right direction, and we're getting there.  Today is a great day for all of us.

The following are some of my favorite clips and photos from today.

"YES WE CAN."

"This is what change looks like."

"It is with great humility and with great pride that we tonight will make history for our country and progress for the American people."

"We did not fear our future, we shaped it."

Jen Defies Korean Logic

Yesterday I was out sick because I had an extreme cough and a very sore throat.  The doctor told me I had a ‘mass’ on my left vocal chord.  His English was very good, but I still think the word ‘mass’ kind of means something a little more serious in English than he seemed to think it did.  Also ‘vocal chords’ may have been lost in translation as well, because I've had throat problems before but never did they involve my vocal chords, more likely my tonsils.  Anyway, his advice was not to strain my voice for about a week and to take these two medications he prescribed me.  No follow-up scheduled, so my thinking is that the ‘mass’ isn’t anything to get too worked up about.

Then today when I came into work, my head teacher told me to “take it easy” this week (that’s one of those phrases Koreans really love to use, along with “take a rest”), and that also maybe I should dress warmer.  It’s sunny, in the mid-50’s, and I am wearing my thermal long-johns under regular leggings (not tights, but thick leggings), 2 pairs of socks and suede knee-high boots, a long-sleeved shirt, a thick, long cardigan, and my winter coat, which stays on ALL day at school.  This should be perfectly acceptable (in fact, I’d be sweating indoors most other places) for a day with weather like today, except for the fact that even with the heaters running, a lot of classrooms and all the hallways have the windows open.  Some might say it is counterintuitive to run the heat while simultaneously letting the cold in, but that doesn’t take into account the Korean obsession with “changing the air” in a building.  “Changing the air” means letting fresh air circulate throughout the building, in order to keep people from getting sick.  And everyone (students included) wears their huge winter coat the entire day, while taking off their shoes and wearing slippers indoors (I, however, stopped doing this last semester – it’s just too damn cold to only wear socks). 

Newsflash: perhaps it’s not the ‘unchanged’ air making kids sick, but the freezing temperatures they are forced to endure all day every day, even though our classrooms are indoors and equipped with heaters.  Which is what I told my head teacher, in a much more polite way, when she suggested I dress warmer.  What do they want me to wear, a parka and a ski mask?  Actually, yes, that’s probably exactly what they want me to do.     

Jen Hits the Halfway Point

Today marks my having been here in Korea for 6 months (if you don't count the fact that I spent like a month of that time on Southeast Asian beaches other than Korea's).  It's my semi-anniversary.  It's so weird - I vividly remember telling people I'd only been here 6 weeks and thinking that the 6-monthers I met were light-years ahead of me.  It's the longest I've ever spent off American soil, and MAN it's going to be sweet to get back there. But the best part is knowing that the 6 months behind me are the worst 6 months.  Initial homesickness, Korean winter, not knowing where anything is, not knowing how to say anything, settling in... all of those things are behind me now!  The 6 months ahead of me hold camping on the beach, afternoons on patios, my first birthday overseas, trips to Jeju Island for volleyball and surfing, Mudfest, hiking in Busan, rooftop bbq's, flip flops and sundresses.   And the Tropical Reunion and Garinger/Tennison wedding extravaganza in Mexico!  Wow, writing this post really put me in a great mood :)

So here's the big question: I'm wondering if I should commemorate this momentous occasion with traditional Korean fare and some soju, or with a Big Mac and a Budweiser.  And am I celebrating my ability to endure and flourish during life abroad or the shortening amount of time until I get to go home?  Well it's a celebration either way.  And my co-teachers gave me a little gift too.  It was one of those little moments when you think "Oh, Korea, you are so cute."  Here's to 6 months in the land of kimchi.

Jen Posts Thinly-Veiled Request for Girl Scout Cookies

I keep seeing people talking about Girl Scout cookies all over Facebook, and I'm sort of drooling here at my desk at work.  Can the Girl Scouts of America send cookies overseas?  I think that should be the requirement for a Helping in a Foreign Country badge.  And that I should be the only recipient... just to make things easier on the Girl Scouts.

Here are my favorite Girl Scout cookies in no particular order.

Put these in the fridge and they're delectable.

These Samoas (I think they changed their name recently to become more PC, but I will always know them as Samoas) are so rich that I can only eat about 2 in a sitting, but man are they good.

And Do-Si-Dos have a special place in my heart, perhaps because I'm a little ol' gal from Texas.

Jen FInally Gets Around to Finishing the Thailand Blog (With Photos!)

This dude let us hold his monkey for photos on the beach on Koh Samui.

There were fire dancers every night on the beach, and these guys were selling these paper lantern hot-air-balloon things that you could watch float up into the night sky.  It was beautiful.

The Trio at Ark Bar on Koh Samui.  We hung out at this place pretty much every night we were there.  Laying on beach beds converted into hookah tables out on the beach, good tunes pumping, delicious foods delivered to the table, and meeting other vacationers - it was a blasty blast.

The pier out to the ferry from Koh Samui to Koh Phagnan.

View from the pier.

Koh Phagnan in the distance from the ferry.

Our very own bungalo in Koh Phagnan.

The inside of our beautiful bungalo.

The beach area of our resort, cleverly named Milky Bay.

At a pool party where we met some of our friends from Busan, first night in Koh Phagnan.

All painted up and ready to go at the Half Moon Festival our last night.  

There were tons of glow-in-the-dark paint artists, but we knew beforehand to bring paint so we did it ourselves, and made friends by painting their faces for free.

That's right, the paint glows in the dark.  Too fun for words.

Marcus's artwork on Sarah's arm and face.

These Painted Ladies owned that party.

Jen Gets A Snow Day

Today it really REALLY snowed in Busan.  It's still snowing.  I awoke to a 3-months-late winter wonderland.  I'm about to use my snow day out in the snow, taking pictures and making a real snowman.  I feel like a little kid again.  No school today!  Yesss!

Then I built the world's dinkiest snowman out of melting snow on the roof of my building.

At least he looks cool.

Trying to get into position with the self-timer.

Wardrobe malfunction.

And here we are.  Me and my snowman.

Jen Watches Canada Win Hockey Gold

Today was my first middle-of-the-night sporting event in a foreign country. I did watch the Super Bowl, but I saw it on Monday night here and it was impossible not to already know the result. Luckily, Monday was Independence Day in Korea, so nobody had to work, therefore everyone could justify watching US v Canada play for gold in hockey at the bright early (or very late) time of 5:15am Monday morning.

Seeing as how at least half of the foreign contingent in Busan is Canadians, it was a full house and the crowd was charged with energy. It was super intense, and really fun. Even though I of course wanted the US to win, it was still fun to see all my Canadian friends celebrate and it was a really great game.

My Canadian friends:

The first video is right after Crosby scored the OT goal.



This video is when the Canadians began singing the song of their motherland.

Philippines Days 6-10: A Tropical Blur

Saturday, my 6th day in Bora, was the Swedes’ last night in town. They would leave Sunday morning bright and early at 5:30am. Yuck. The five of us went to a delicious buffet out on the beach and then sat under the stars at Charlh’s Bar listening to the bands play Eagles tunes until about midnight and then called it an early night.

By this time I’m just spending every day laying out on the beach, reading a book or finding good places to eat. Sunday, my 7th day, Rosie, Scott, and I went to Red Coconut for a pizza dinner and then we were just walking around, thinking about having a drink somewhere when we ran into Scott’s friend, another teacher in Busan. He was with about 6 other people he’d picked up along the way, including 2 Spanish guys, and some other teachers from different parts of Korea. We all ended up hanging out at Summer Place, where I danced the night away yet again. I think this is about the time I realized how small Boracay is, and how many people I already knew, even though the Swedes were gone. I couldn’t go anywhere without seeing somebody I had already met or hung out with earlier on in the trip, a DJ, a guy who sings at Charlh’s Bar, people we’d met at Cocomangas or Summer Place already. And that was only after a week.

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday are all kind of a blur of beach and sun. I did get a massage on the beach, and eat quite a few American Breakfasts during that time, but by the end, I was ready to be back in Busan with my friends. Or better yet, hopping a plane back home to Texas to see my loved ones, but you can’t always get what you want.

After a short flight to Manila, I met a friend of Marcus’s from college who lives in Manila, and we went to dinner during my 6 hour layover there. I didn’t see much of Manila, but that’s okay. There’s always next time. My flight left at 3:35am and was to land in Busan at 8:00am. I had planned to sleep during that time, but I wasn’t able to because of the very worst thing about my trip: extreme turbulence. It was awful. I felt motion sick for 2 days because of it. Luckily I had the time to recuperate before school starting back up again. And I was reunited with my friends! And it felt so good.