Jen Falls in Love

I’m really starting to love it here, I have to say. I told myself I didn’t have any choice but to like Korea, so I would go in with only a good attitude, but you can’t convince yourself to love something just because you’ve decided to only focus on the good things. And I really am loving it. The food is magnificent, I truly can’t say enough about it. The massive quantities of homemade street food, the various side dishes that come with every meal, the prevalence of delicious soups, the restaurants with grills in the middle of the table for all the different meats – it’s heavenly. And cheap. And the weather is gorgeous – they weren’t lying when they said that their autumn is the best season. Technically I haven’t been here to experience any other seasons, but this weather is perfect. Crisp and cool in the morning and the evening, and sunny and mild during the days. These are the types of days everyone revels over for about 1 week in the spring back home in Texas, but which always too quickly give way to the stifling heat of Texas summer. And it’s been this way for the entire 6 weeks I’ve lived here (can it only have been 6 weeks?). I dare say it’s actually gotten warmer these past couple of weeks even.

Some people questioned why I would leave such a ‘good’ job back home to cross the globe and make a fraction of what I was making before. You know, that depends on your definition of ‘good’. If it means I made a lot of money, then yes, I suppose it was a ‘good’ job. But if it means I do something day in and day out that I enjoy, that isn’t just a waste of 8 hours until I can leave for the day, only to return the next day to do the same meaningless work over again, then the answer is no, that job wasn’t a ‘good’ job for me. I spent too many days back then working for the weekend, too many workdays just watching the clock until I could go home with one more day under my belt so that after 5 days I could spend a mere 2 doing whatever I really wanted. I had to break that cycle.

I recently stated that I am involved in a passionate love affair with Life. And that is so much the truth. What does that mean? Does it mean that every day is sublimely happy, and that it’s never hard, and that nothing ever gets me down? No, of course not. Love affairs are seldom perfect, but they are always exhilarating and keep you guessing, keep you interested – if it were mundane, I wouldn’t be calling it an affair. More like a slow death sentence. Because I just can’t be on autopilot here. Everything is too new and too special for that, and it matters too much to me. And yeah, sometimes it would be nice; sometimes I’m exhausted and I don’t want to try, and it would be great to be able to just zone out - to put on my sweats and lay on the couch all day, as it were. But the trade-off is still WAY worth it, and you just keep pushing until the next day comes along, until Life whispers that next sweet nothing in your ear that reminds you why you fell in love with it in the first place.

Here there are no wasted days. Every day counts. Everything matters. I’m awake, and alive, even though it’s hard sometimes. Now, the difference is, it’s hard but I’m awake. Before, it was like I was sleepwalking and there was nothing that could wake me up, and when it was hard, what reason did I have to soldier on? Now, the worst day is still a day on another continent, in another life. It’s a different mindset, one I couldn’t have achieved in my old life because there are some things you just can’t know until you know.

And now, I know.